Cravings
by hikari hime 73
Summary: Dreams come true sometimes, but what happens after the expected happy ending? S/K eventually, CU post-manga
1. Cravings

Title: Cravings  
Author: Hikari Hime  
Theme: "Watermelon" Challenge by Nobody.  
Genre: General / Friendship  
Universe: Canon  
Rating: K  
Warnings: none  
Word Count: 596

Sighing happily, the petite dark-haired woman submerged into the murky waters of the hotspring, followed closely by her female companion.

''It's heaven,'' she murmured.

Rin nodded in acquiescence, opening her friend's yellow old monstrosity of a backpack to extract twin bottles of shampoo. There wasn't much left of the delicately scented soap, but this day was special, and she knew Kagome had kept them for such occasions. Humming softly, she began lathering the young woman's hair, smiling at the contented moans escaping from the Miko.

''You know, Rin,'' she said dreamily, ''I think this day would be a perfect one if I could satiate this particular craving I've been experiening lately.''

''And what is it you wish, Kagome-sama?'' the girl asked, a bright smile splitting her face in two. Still the same smile from years ago, but different, more mature.

''Watermelons.'' The word escaped her like a prayer to the Heavens, bearing a feeling of memories long past. If you looked at the young Miko really closely, you could see the golden brightness of sand and sun reflected in her cerulean orbs, and hear the quiet rhythm of the ocean filled with the chimes of children's laughter.

%%%%%%%%%%%

She couldn't move. The weight was just too much.

Her shoulders sagging in defeat, the Miko from the future submitted to her fate, namely spending the next few weeks secluded in a small hut.

In no way could she escape the incessant bickering of her hanyo husband and her kitsune friend, as they never wanted to leave her out of their overbearing and overprotective sight. She understood their nervousness, but heck!! She was not a sick woman, what she had was no illness, it was just in the natural order of things.

And she needed to rest. She craved silence nearly as much as she had craved a round juicy fruit nearly eight months ago.

Unfortunately, Inuyasha had always been anything but calm and collected. Some days, she would have preferred him to resemble his half-brother a little bit more, in that area at least.

Speaking of the youkai... she hadn't seen her 'Onii-san' for quite a while. Perhaps he was avoiding her? She frowned. She couldn't say she was feeling any attachment towards the silent and ruthless inu, but he was family now, whether he liked it or not.

There was no hate between the two siblings as of late, but it didn't mean there was any affection or brotherly love either.

She sighed, remembering her own family left beyond the old well. She would have liked for Sesshomaru and Inuyasha to understand the value of these kinds of ties.

Suddenly, a powerful aura blanketed the small dwelling she was in. She wasn't worried though, she knew who this youki belonged to. She was safe from him, even if he would probably never admit it out loud.

After the usual cursing, the hanyo's way of greeting his half-brother, a broad and tall figure appeared in the doorway.

The pale youkai frowned at the prone figure of the Miko, assessing her state of wellbeing with a discreet quiver of his nostrils. He went closer to her side and kneeled, leaving a rounded fruit near her head.

She beamed at him, nodding her gratitude and knowing the powerful being didn't need words to understand her.

''You're going to be a wonderful uncle,'' she stated.

He glared at her and exited the hut, surrounded by the laughter of the future mother.

Perhaps he had his own way of showing he cared about his family, after all.

******

This drabble was nominated for the dokuga awards, in the 'drabbles' category. Thank you all!!!

And now, to the votes... *hides a packet of chocolate chip cookies in her back* XD


	2. If I could fly away

Title: If I could fly away...  
Author: Hikari Hime  
Theme: "Public transportation" Challenge by Nobody.  
Genre: Drama  
Universe: Canon  
Rating: T  
Warnings: character death... of some sort...  
Word Count: 684

Beams of sunlight filtered through the high canopy of Inuyasha's forest, bathing the clearing of the Bone Eater's Well in gold. Birds chirped happily, greeting the return of spring and calling for the opposite sex, continuing their struggle to complete the ever-lasting cycle of life.

A young woman was seated casually on a thick blanket near the wooden structure, her back supported by the sturdy old well.

She didn't move, her red-brimmed cerulean eyes looking inward, lids only slightly opened on the world around her. She had been there for hours, but she didn't care, her weary mind not registering the stiffness of her muscles or the shudders of her cold body.

Something tickled at the back of her neck, the awareness that she was not alone anymore, but she didn't acknowledge his presence. She didn't know why he was there, to gloat at her weakness, or to drown her in her own shame for what she was, she was feeling numb anyway and his taunting would not reach her.

After all, she was already dead, wasn't she?

She felt more than she heard the soft rustle of silk as he allowed his tall body to sit gracefully by her side, at a respectful distance from her.

''Miko,'' he intoned coldly, ''why are you here on your own?''

''I wanted to be near my home,'' she replied, somewhat surprised by the youkai's civility.

''Hn,'' he grunted noncomitally.

He was not one for small talk, she knew, every actions he deemed necessary being a means to an end. His lack of clear goal or demand unsettled her.

''Why are you here, Sesshomaru?'' she asked, feeling a little curious.

He glared at her as if the answer she was seeking from him was obvious, and then looked pointedly at her once rounded belly, the soft quiver of his nostrils betraying his assessment of her physical condition.

Silence settled in the clearing again, both human and youkai not needing any exchange of words to understand each other. She had needed loneliness, and he had needed to stay by her side to protect a member of his pack. Nevertheless, seeking companionship was a part of the young Miko's nature, so she started speaking again, her voice quiet and slightly hoarse.

''I had a dream last night,'' she started, catching the glimpse in Sesshomaru's golden orbs that signified she had all his attention. ''I dreamt I was riding on the roof of a double-decker bus in London, visiting the city and looking at people's lives from an unusual point of view. I felt detached from reality, just as I am feeling now.''

Confusion shone briefly in his eyes, the red way of public transportation she was speaking about unfamiliar to his ears, but he set aside his puzzlement to focus on the meaning of her words.

''Humans cannot flee from their emotions,'' he stated, ''but they can understand them and then accept their fate.''

''Do you think it was Fate who let my little girl die in my own belly?'' she asked in an emotionless drone.

He hesitated a few seconds, something very uncharacteristic coming from the cold inu, and so she took the opportunity to brace herself for what he was going to tell her.

''Hanyo cannot procreate. They are sterile, or the pups are delivered stillborn, but they cannot have any living descendance.'' He looked at her carefully, registering the shock now painted on her face.

''You knew?'' she realised in a breath.

He looked away from her, lips pursed in a thin line.

''Inuyasha knew, too,'' she murmured again, tears rolling slowly down her pale cheeks. It was not a question.

That day, when the small human girl who had defeated the Darkness by filling it with her Light, cried for her lost child and innocence, clutching his silken sleeve like a life line with her oh-so-small hands, Sesshomaru cursed his brother, and himself, for failing to protect this barely-adult woman.

And he swore in his frozen heart that he would never, ever, fail her again in such a way.


	3. The way

Title: The Way  
Author: Hikari Hime  
Theme: Weekly perfection on LJ 'dokuga' community; prompt: ''Cringe''  
Genre: Drama  
Universe: Canon  
Rating: T  
Warnings: swearing, and a little violence.  
Word Count: 200

A/N: Third installment of my drabbles/one shots collection on , ''cravings''.

Beta: Thank you Fluffy Lady XD

Loud shouting echoed through the underbrush of the lush forest. The scent of sadness hung heavily in the woods, salt interwined with the fresh undertones of spring.

''Listen to me, Kagome! This time, you were probably too weak, so the baby didn't make it, but we will succeed if we try again...'' the hanyo growled.

''Koi...'' the soft, female murmur was barely audible. If you listened closely, though, you could hear her heart silently shattering in tiny pieces in the background. "It is simple logic really; you're a hybrid between two races, and science has proven...'' she argued tiredly.

''I don't care about your fucking science! I'm your husband, and I know what's right for us!'' He was snarling at her, fangs showing and eyes darkening to a deep golden hue.

A white lightning bolt struck accross the meadow and Kagome visibly cringed when the powerful fist of a very pissed off inuyoukai collided with Inuyasha's jaw, sending him crashing against a nearby tree.

''If you lose your way again, Brother, I will kill you,'' drawled the Daiyoukai in a bored tone.

But Kagome realised, when she looked at the emotionless mask of Sesshomaru, that he was deadly serious indeed.


	4. Alive

Title: Alive  
Author: Hikari Hime  
Theme: Weekly perfection on LJ 'dokuga_contest' community; prompt: ''Dream''  
Genre: Drama, Angst  
Universe: Canon  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Sadness and a little blood? But not much... blood, I mean.  
Word Count: 400

A/N: Fourth installment of my drabbles/one shots collection on , ''cravings''.

Drops of liquid sunlight adorned the green leaves of the trees, casting the shimmering light you could only observe after a spring shower. But a small creature was impervious to it's surrounding's surreal appearance, coating unintentionally the jeweled forest in warmth just by sitting on it's ground.

However, her dark sapphire orbs were dead to the world.

She had been living in a dream day in and day out, her mind working like an automat, eating and sleeping because her body needed it, but not enjoying it in any way. If she had had her ability to think intact, she would have known her state of mental health by the futuristic terms of 'post traumatic shock'.

She had lost too much during the last few months: a daughter, her trust in her husband... her will to live. But she hadn't lost her will to survive, apparently, so she was still there, the shell of the being she had once been.

A presence made itself known, and some of the weight lifted unconsciously from her slumped shoulders. He had been around her much more often lately, hovering at the edge of her senses. This time, he decided to come nearer, sitting almost casually in front of her.

She saw him frown nearly imperceptibly, and knew he wasn't pleased with the state of her health, nor her obvious lack of companionship. Why he would care, she could only guess, but didn't want to. She accepted the cryptic being just as he was.

''You know Inuyasha never wanted to harm me. It was unintentional. You shouldn't kill or otherwise maim your only relative for such unimportant things, really.'' Her voice was hoarse from disuse, but some of her old determination showed nonetheless.

He reached for her wrist slowly and, as she thought in a detached way that he was probably going to slit it and be done with it, he cut into the palm of her hand with a claw, leaving the crimson liquid pool into the small crevice. She winced, the pain waking her as abruptly as a cold shower would have.

''What was that for!'' she shrieked.

''This,'' he drawled, ''was intentional.'' He looked at her intently, waiting until the meaning of his actions sank in.

''It hurts nonetheless. But it will heal,'' she answered thoughtfully.

She wiped her hand in the grass and looked, slightly awed, at her unblemished palm.


	5. Epiphany

Title: Epiphany  
Author: Hikari Hime  
Theme: Weekly perfection on LJ 'dokuga_contest' community; prompt #07: ''Whisper''  
Genre: Drama, General  
Universe: Canon Universe  
Rating: K+  
Warnings: none... I think.  
Word Count: 200

A/N: Fifth installment of my drabbles/one shots collection on , ''cravings''.

It has been one year since the little miko from the future had sacrificed her own world for her beloved.

A year of disappointment, as the glitter of her first romance was washed away by harsh reality, her perfect husband transforming into the man he had always been behind the veil of her innocent ideals.

A year of tears, as a promise of life was robbed from her, the woman in her mourning for she would never be a mother.

A year of rebirth, as the silent presence of her former enemy showed her how to live again, without even uttering more than a sentence. He had done it in his usual way, in blood and pain, but she had understood the meaning and had moved on with her life.

And now, the one year older girl is left with questions whirling in her mind.

'Why?' she asks herself.

The wind blows, making the grass bow under its caress, whispering the answers to the distressed woman, if only she would listen...

'Do you have something to protect?' it murmurs, a long forgotten voice swirling into the tender leaves of old trees.

But he stays close to her, because _he_ remembers.


	6. Protection

Title: Protection  
Author: Hikari Hime  
Theme: Weekly perfection on LJ 'dokuga_contest' community; prompt #10: ''Tease''  
Genre: Drama, General  
Universe: Canon Universe  
Rating: T  
Warnings: some sort of... slight innuendo? Nothing much really.  
Word Count: 400

Mending a child's kimono with quick gestures speaking of much experience, her sight was mostly trained on the small band of misfits playing not far away from her.

She had not been granted with the grace of bearing her own little ones, but she had quickly taken to mothering her friends' offspring, Miroku being often absent to 'purify' others' homes or off to chase malevolent youkai with her own husband.

Her husband. Inuyasha.

Could she really call him this? She hadn't let him touch her intimately for so long now, not trusting in any way the contraceptive means of this era.

Children's laughter made the corner of her mouth twitch, a smile teasing her thin lips. The twins were playing their favorite game again, 'slay the kitsune', and Shippo was being savagely throttled with a rope made out of daisies. No doubt Rin had taught them how to thread the flowers so efficiently.

Rin. The girl had grown up, becoming a cheerful adolescent. How this could be when you considered under whose tutelage she had lived for so many years was a mistery for the Miko.

She gazed over at them, two oh-so-different beings lost in a quiet discussion, sitting under a tree not far from her. She could read the body language of the stoic youkai, how he blanketed his young ward with his aura and scent without even touching her.

It was probably this that had allowed Rin to stay innocent even when faced with the atrocities of her existence, the fierceness of her protector and how she trusted him with her life. He could be aware of the cruelty of the world for the two of them, for he was the cruelest of them all as far as Rin's security was concerned.

Sensing the weight of the Miko's stare on him, Sesshomaru slanted his golden orbs towards her, lifting a questioning brow. Kagome blushed and adverted her eyes, brushing soft blades of grass absently. She could never let her guard down like Rin did, Inuyasha never made her feel safe any more, unlike when they had been hunting Shards.

But... the youkai had protected her on occasions too... was it because he knew she took care of Rin when he wasn't there? Was it out of some sense of obligation, because she was family now?

Allowing her body to relax minutely, a small smile graced her lips.


	7. Rage

Title: Rage  
Author: Hikari Hime  
Theme: Weekly perfection on LJ 'dokuga_contest' community; prompt #13: ''Snarl''  
Genre: Drama, Angst  
Universe: Canon Universe  
Rating: T  
Warnings: Huh... it's rather violent. I don't know what got into me really...  
Word Count: 200

A/N: Seventh installment of 'cravings'.

'You don't want me anymore, do you!?' he had snarled at her fear stricken face, 'You are mine!'

She had cried while he had lost control, calm golden turning into furious crimson. She had begged him as his claws had lengthened into her very flesh, tearing her being apart, tearing the tattered remains of her trust to shreds.

The ghost of her rejection had made him drunk with rage, the pain of past injuries inundating his gentle nature... again...

She loved him so much, her protector, her soft-eared puppy, her husband.

So, there she was, back to her beloved clearing again, charred old wood hovering over her prone form like her mother would have if she had been there, bandaging her wounds.

The sound of silk on steel snapped her out of her self induced stupor, a silent white pillar gliding effortlessly through the forest. How the youkai could be so... consistent, yet ethereal, eluded her.

She could feel the disapproving frown that marred his perfect composure, but he said nothing, as usual, and disappeared behind a tree as if he had never even been there to begin with.

But he had been there, and she was grateful for it.


	8. instincts

Title: Instincts  
Author: Hikari Hime  
Theme: Oneshot contest on LJ 'dokuga_contest' community; prompt #07: Malfunction  
Genre: Drama, Angst  
Universe: Canon Universe  
Rating: T  
Warnings: somewhat suggestive topics of discussion  
Word Count: 1265

N/A: Eighth installment of 'Cravings'... just because the word limit of the 'weekly perfection contest' got me frustrated... and the prompt was perfect XD

Dawn found Kagome sleeping under the gentle shade of Goshinboku, a squirrel sniffing curiously at her from her knee. Exhausted and still in shock, the young woman hadn't found the strength to venture back to the village after having tended to her wounds.

Her cuts were shallow, and would heal fast, but were far from invisible. Kagome just didn't want to deal with the questioning gazes of the others right now.

All she wanted to do was crawl into a small hole and disappear.

She didn't want to be the heroine anymore. She didn't want to save the world. She didn't want to suffer. Most of all, she wanted to snuggle into a warm sofa and eat chocolate, possibly until her stomach burst open, watching romance films while emptying endless boxes of kleenex.

She just wanted to be a teenage girl again.

Why was it that everybody else had their happily-ever-after, except her? Was she cursed or something?

Snorting angrily at herself, the young miko stopped wallowing in self-pity and cracked open one red-rimmed sapphire orb, squinting slightly at the brightness of the morning sun.

And then she froze.

Still perched on her leg, the little furry beast 'twiggled' his nose in her direction, clearly asking if she was disturbed that a normally easily-spooked animal was currently resting on her knee-cap. Tiny, black, beady eyes shone with mirth at the human's obvious bewilderment. His copper tail twitched, once, and then a second time, before the diminutive fluff ball climbed up her body and escaped into the old tree above.

Kagome released the breath she had been holding during this... interesting... experience, and she was preparing herself to rise and be on her way when she felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Recognising this particular aura, she sat still and waited.

He was not alone.

Rin was with him, walking silently three steps behind him, but the miko suspected she was the one bringing the silent youkai to her.

Or... coaxing him into approaching.

She was about to stand up when he lifted one elegant, pale hand, indicating she should stay where she was.

Surprising both females, Sesshomaru lowered himself gracefully in a perfect lotus position a respectful distance from Kagome. He nodded in greetings to her, his face devoid of any apparent emotion.

Rin knelt beside him and began to speak softly. ''We came to see if you were all right, Kagome-sama.''

''I'm fine, thank you,'' the young woman replied tonelessly. She was not _about_ to share anything that had transpired with this child: she was still young, innocent. She didn't need to carry the burden of another.

A discreet, derisive snort came from the general direction of the daiyoukai. Kagome could have sworn it had come from him… but such an action was just too... 'unlordly' for him.

''Kagome-sama,'' Rin frowned, ''it is obvious that you are not feeling well. Tell me what happened… I have seen much worse.''

Funny, how little Rin sounded like her Lord from time to time…even more while scolding someone. It was the miko's turn to feel like a small child.

She bowed her head slightly in shame. ''Inuyasha... sometimes, he loses control,'' she began hesitantly. ''I don't understand, something must be wrong with him.''

She looked at Sesshomaru worriedly, ''This shouldn't happen, right? It's not as if his life was in danger or anything! But when... when it happens... he goes all youkai on me, with red eyes and blue stripes and _everything_!'' She took a small, shuddering breath, but forged on. ''Is it possible that the Tessaiga is damaged? Or could it unexpectedly malfunction or something? Is Inuyasha ill? Is he possessed…or cursed?''

''Miko,'' he interrupted her, feeling slightly uncomfortable when tears started to gather at the rim of her eyes, ''tell this Sesshomaru about the exact circumstances surrounding these... lapses... in his already ineffective control.''

The young woman's cheeks turned beet-red. ''It's kind of private, Sesshomaru...'' she started, only to be interrupted again, this time by Rin.

''Sesshomaru-sama already suspects he knows the root of your problem, but he needs more information,'' she chided. ''If you really want his help, that is.''

_When did she grown up so much? _Kagome thought in a daze, but she snapped quickly back to attention under the smoldering glare of the impatient youkai Lord.

''Well, you know we can't... have children of our own. So, I didn't want to get pregnant, but there's nothing to prevent it with certainty. So, I have to... stop him…from...'' She snapped her mouth shut, hiding her face beneath her small hands, shuddering in mortification.

''Each time he approaches you, you refuse him?'' Sesshomaru asked casually, as if he was inquiring about the weather.

''I explained to him that we could have... other activities... oh damn, I just _can't_ talk to you about our sex life, for Kami's sake!'' she nearly screamed, exhaustion smothering the voice of reason which told her such impudence could well earn her death in the presence of this being.

''Indeed,'' he drawled, cold golden orbs shining with barely restrained mirth He didn't seem offended so much as amused at her embarrassment.

''I think the situation is quite clear anyway,'' Rin surmised. ''You are not... neglecting your husband in any way. You are just protecting yourself from bearing a pup.''

_A pup?_

''A pup?'' Kagome asked aloud. She shook her head. ''Well…you're right. It's not that I refuse his touch, it's more like... he doesn't want to do anything if it's not... complete. He says it's pointless.''

Rin gritted her teeth, her jaw tense and her fists clenched, knuckles white under the pressure. Sesshomaru stayed unreadable, but his aura blanketed the two obviously distressed females, calming them unconsciously.

''Youkai,'' the inuyoukai started in a bored tone, ''feel the instinctual need to reproduce like any other living being. When Inuyasha's bitch refuses to assuage such a need, his youkai blood is left in great turmoil. If his human emotional side was not so unstable, the hanyo would be able to control it. Nevertheless, it is not surprising that he has been experiencing problems as of late.''

_His bitch?_

''I am not a _bitch_,'' Kagome nearly growled, making Rin flinch.

''Of that I am certain, Miko. However, stating the obvious will not help you in any way.''

If it had been another person... man... youkai... whatever... she could have sworn he shrugged.

''Then what _will_?!'' Her patience was growing thin and her agitation was beginning to show in her own aura, wisps of barely restrained purity making the fine hair of his neck stand on end.

''There is nothing you can do to stop it, Kagome. Inuyasha will always be Inuyasha.'' His features had softened somehow. As if he wanted nothing but to help her.

As if he _cared._

Without a word, he straightened himself in a flurry of white fur and silk, repositioning his swords with a quick flick of his wrist. He started to walk towards the trees when the quiet voice of the miko reached his ears one last time, her gratitude brought to him on a soft breeze.

An unspoken truth hung in the air between youkai and miko that morning, a truth the woman didn't want to acknowledge, a sentence the powerful male didn't want to bring down upon her already frail shoulders.

But in her heart she knew that, if what Sesshoumaru had told her was true, she wouldn't be able to stop it unless she left him.


	9. Paradise Lost

Title: Paradise Lost.  
Author: Hikari Hime  
Theme: Oneshot contest on LJ 'dokuga_contest' community; prompt #11: Forgotten  
Genre: Drama, Angst  
Universe: Canon Universe  
Rating: M  
Warnings: Blood and angst. Loads of it. This piece is very hard. Blame it on my mood...  
Word Count: 934

A/N: Ninth installment of 'Cravings'. Thank you Lux Ken for your wonderful help XD

A/A/N (Another Author Note): This piece reached the second place of the dokuga_contest on LJ for it's respective prompt. Thank you to all who voted!! XD

-----

It had been three years, three long years since that discussion in the clearing. Kagome had faced the reality of her situation, had understood it, had pondered about what her next course of action should be... and had made a decision.

_Your future is already written before your birth_, they say. But what happens when some innocent schoolgirl falls into an enchanted well, travels through time, wakes up a hanyo and shatters a magic bauble?

Kagome had the answer to that question three years ago. Or so she had thought.

But then, she was also stubborn.

Time and Fate were fickle lovers, really. After all, the heroine was supposed to have her 'happily ever after' with her prince. She was supposed to smile and laugh. She was supposed to have white-haired, puppy-eared children running all over the place.

She was supposed to be in love with her husband, to fight by his side for ever and ever. They were supposed to resolve each and every problem they had together, hand in hand.

Inuyasha, the hero, was not supposed to leave her in the middle of the night while she suffered through yet _another _miscarriage.

After all, it was only her fourth. Perhaps he had thought she was used to it by now, and he would come back when all the blood had been cleaned from their shared hut.

Perhaps he wanted her to die, so that he could forget he ever had a wife to begin with?

But she, Kagome, hadn't forgotten. She hadn't forgotten that she had a duty, a husband. She had stayed by his side when – really – she should have left. She had sacrificed so much for him that her once loving heart was now hollow inside.

She was empty, and what was the point in living when one's body was only a soulless shell?

Those were Kagome's thoughts as she looked dispassionately at the blood seeping from between her thighs. Another life leaving her, another death on her conscience, another child lost. Fortunately, it was early in the pregnancy, so she wouldn't have another little lifeless body to bury next to the others. That had been the hardest part the other three times she had killed her own offspring.

A murderer. That's what she was. After all, she knew that, each and every time she let her husband sate his beast, any possible pups that resulted from their union wouldn't make it. Sesshomaru had said so, and he had no reason to lie to her. She had tried to take some plants to avoid pregnancy, but unfortunately those proved far from infaillible.

She had fled the sorrow-painted faces of her friends a long time ago. The only one who still came to see her from time to time was Rin, and only then probably to check if she was still alive.

And, of course, there was Sesshomaru. But the reason for his presence was still a mystery to the ex-miko. He never talked to her – he only showed up once a month, within 'sniffing' distance, always when Inuyasha was away hunting, before wordlessly disappearing back into the forest.

There was no disapproval nor disdain in his eyes. He knew what duty was. He had known she wouldn't flee or hide from it. He had known she would be herself, as stubborn as always, and stay. Mortals were foolish – no surprise there.

Kagome turned her head to her right when she heard the scraping of bare feet and claws on the wooden floor of her home. She hadn't even realised she was lying down until then, her eyes glazed over from the loss of blood. She saw two pairs of legs standing before her, one clad in red, nervous and unsure like a young kid; the other in white, two straight, unmoving pillars of strength.

They didn't speak – perhaps they thought she was sleeping? But who would sleep on a hard wooden floor, eyes still open? She was a little delusional, but she wasn't insane – she had always preferred a nice comfy bed, like the one she had had at home, with a soft mattress and pink cotton sheets.

Her consciousness was slipping, but she didn't really care. Perhaps, if she died, she would be able to see her mother again? Perhaps her mum would take her into the circle of her oh-so frail arms and protect her from the evil boogeymen? Perhaps _then_ she could stop the pain? Mothers knew how to do that – soothe the heart, make the fears and the cries go away. Her mother had been her ultimate haven during their search for the shards, and the battle against Naraku.

Couldn't it be the same now?

But... the well was closed. She had wanted to see Inuyasha again. She had wanted to stay with him.

She had wanted happiness.

She had a blood-soaked floor instead.

Life was unfair, really.

Strong arms lifted her weightless body, and she sighed. Was she dead already? But she wasn't even born yet...

''Mum?'' she asked in a slur.

A derisive snort answered her. Definitely not her mother.

''She's delusional, Sesshomaru-sama. She's lost too much blood,'' a soft feminine voice spoke from behind the being carrying her.

''You are aware of the consequences of your choice, half-breed?'' The smooth baritone rumbled through his chest, caressing the miko's fevered mind like a breeze, lulling her into sleep.

''I never wanted this for her,'' Inuyasha replied, sounding like a lost puppy

He had always sounded like a lost young boy, she realised before darkness claimed her.

---

Please review :D

Dewa mata


	10. Dawn

**Theme: **[Oneshot #46: Conscience] on the LJ community Dokuga_contest

**Genre:** Angst

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **a little blood, a little insanity, tears... difficult themes evoked.

**Word Count: **734 (according to open office)

**Summary: **Kagome awakens from a long sleep... [Part 10 of the "Cravings" series]

**AN: **Yup, I'm still alive, and even though my writing is rusty (very much indeed), I've thought about you all very often. I didn't really know how I was going to continue the serial after the last instalment, it left me with some sort of hollowness inside... just like the death of a loved one would, I suppose. Well, anyway, here I am again. I hope you'll forgive the long absence, and enjoy this chapter.

**Beta reader: **Thanks Mum!

She had been floating.

Ever since the warmth of unconsciousness had brought her far away from the sight of her own blood flowing from her, washing away the little life that had been growing inside her, and even though her body had awakened after a couple of days, Kagome, the human Miko, the young and lively girl, had never really been back.

She had functioned, her limbs making her eat, her mouth chewing but not tasting, her hands cleaning herself when she was brought near a source of water, but her skin never feeling the soothing undulation of the liquid around her, her eyes blinking in the sunlight, but her mind never registering the time that came and passed.

It was all a blur to her.

The voices of the women taking care of her.

The colours of their clothing, blood red and dove white, stirring a memory before it was swallowed again by sweet oblivion.

The feeling of their hands, oh-so careful, but not so warm really. They were handling her as if she were fragile china... and perhaps she was.

She felt quite broken, so why not?

And the whispers... yes, she heard them, some times grasping a meaning, even a complete sentence. They called her a name: Kagome. Was it really her own name? It evoked sunshine and butterflies, laughing blue eyes and innocence, stubbornness and strength, so much strength.

That... that couldn't be her, could it?

She felt like an empty shell, scattered shards glittering a sickly dark purple. She stirred, the thought evoking something deep inside her, fear, sorrow... hope.

Yes, hope. It was still there, in her heart, in the folds of her soul, calling to her conscience. The soothing pink light had never left her, it had just been buried in her innermost sanctum, where darkness and nightmares could never reach.

But it was fragile, fluttering like a frightened bird, its wings broken and its throat hoarse. It had forgotten how to sing, and no one was there to show it how to fly again.

Until, one day, she had felt it again, the dark fires of _him_, scorching her own diminished aura, forcing her to fight back, forcing her to _feel_.

But she couldn't, she didn't want to, because feeling was living, living was remembering, remembering that she had failed, she had fled, she had bled nearly to death, she had lost, she had...

…...

After one year of complete silence, a soft keening escaped the chapped lips of the shadow that had become Kagome, the human Miko, the now-not-so-young girl, once bearer of the Shikon no Tama and protector of all that was alive and pure.

Tears poured out of her eyes, and the woman started to sob brokenly, her frail body wreaked by uncontrollable convulsions, her hands clawing in the air around her as if to find something, anything, to anchor herself to. She was loosing herself to pain and despair, drowning in her own darkness, calling helplessly for someone, anyone, to hold her and make everything better again.

Suddenly, warm, calloused hands rested against her sodden cheeks, holding her head in place firmly. A voice, the low rumble of a spring stream, vibrated around her, and the flames, the scorching flames of twin golden suns, bore into her very core and _shook_ her.

She held on to him, to them, and _breathed, _inhaling sharply as if she had indeed been drowning, and somebody had brought her out of the churning waters.

-"Kagome." He intoned, and she knew it was her name.

A soft breeze played with strands of silver silk, and she saw it, as if she was seeing with her own eyes for the very first time. The sun was shining, its rays gentled by the canopy of the tree above her.

She blinked.

He kept his hands on her cheeks, and she made her own limbs move hesitantly, not like an automaton but on her own volition, to touch his skin and feel its smoothness. Her fingers were like butterflies, shy and unsure, but he never moved, allowing her the small contact.

She blinked again and he retreated, sitting at a more respectable distance from her. She whimpered, still a little lost, still fragile, still so small and insignificant... but alive.

And she would heal, now that her soul had been freed from the night, now that dawn had come.

I hope you enjoyed it, and again, please forgive me for the long absence. Life's been a little difficult lately, to make long things short, I had a one year long training to do because I have to change jobs, and I got pregnant (currently fifth month, it's going to be a little scorpio, just like it's momma), not to mention the father ran away... anyway, I'm not really complaining, my family supports me and I always wanted to have children...

Just two things to tell you girls, that will probably be usefull in the future: you can't be sure of the reaction of a male in front of fatherhood, and no contraception is 100% sure (a part from, well, the obvious "avoiding intercouse" thing). Trust me, I know.

Ahem... anyway, I will probably be able to update at a more regular rate, the next chapter of 'Whispers' is currently... cooking in the oven (this being my brain's pet name... I should stop watching House MD... definitely...)

I love you all. Can you please reciprocate with a wikkle review? After all, as my dear friend Elegant Paw says, review is love!

Dewa mata


	11. Silent Contemplation

**Prompt:** One shot # 56: Seduction for the Dokuga_contest community. It won third place :D  
**Genre:** Introspective  
**AU/CU:** CU  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:** None  
**Word Count:** 670

Beta reader: Thanks Mum :)

After her awakening, Kagome had seemed to live as if nothing bad had ever happened to her. She smiled, interacted with the miko that had taken care of her that past year with her usual benevolence, participated in the routine of the shrine, doing her own chores as if she had been there all her life.

In truth, she was waiting. For what, she couldn't tell, but nevertheless, something was bound to happen.

It always did.

Sesshomaru hadn't come back. Well, as far as she could tell. She would sense eyes on her from time to time, but no silver hair or white silk revealed his presence.

Inuyasha didn't come either, but she didn't expect him to. She had failed him after all, the wife unable to give her husband any children, all of his babies dead in her uncooperative womb...

She closed her eyes, pushing the 'reset' button in her mind, breathing... in... out... ah, yes, better.

She did laundry and wiped the shrine's many stairs, she healed any wounded that came to her for help, she watched seasons pass by... then years...

Things changed around her, life went on, some priestesses got married, some died...

She never aged.

And one morning she woke up, just before the clamour of dawn as usual, and she felt it, some sort of pull, her instinct telling her she had to leave, now.

So she packed her meagre belongings, a bow and a quiver of arrows, and followed her own shadow, heading west. She never looked back, she hadn't really made any friends among the miko, she hadn't wanted to get too attached, knowing they would die one day, and she would remain. She had stayed aloof, distant, somehow understanding one certain someone's view on life and relationships with such a fickle race as humans.

After a few days of aimless wandering, she stopped in a clearing near a babbling brook and put her belongings down on the ground, unfastening the cloth that had been her makeshift bag and taking out her old teapot and fresh green tea leaves. She made a fire and put water to boil, brewing the warm beverage with measured and graceful movements, as she had done every day for the past decades or so. Sipping the bitter tea carefully, she sat there for hours, waiting for the moon to rise.

…...

That's how he found her that night, eyes half lidded and body folded in the lotus position, back straight but not stiff. She was seemingly meditating, but he knew better. In fact, she was deep in memory, her mind mended enough to accept the truth of what had happened to her all those years ago.

It simply hadn't been her fault, she knew that now. Those little lives cuddled within her body had never been meant to live, and so they hadn't, the earth had claimed their unborn bodies so that the natural cycle may go on.

She could let them go now, and so she did, a quiet sigh escaping her mouth.

He watched her as she healed the final wound deep in her heart; her face raised to the stars, pale skin painted blue in the soft light of the moon, dark tresses succumbing to the soft seduction of the breeze, caressing her cheeks lovingly.

Her aura was pure white again, free of the taint of pain and suffering, and she was so much

more beautiful because of it. So much more powerful it was exhilarating for a being such as he who understood power, who lived by it since his birth nearly a millennia ago.

He revealed his presence to her, tasting the spicy tang of her reiki on the wind, his face as smooth as a no mask, and she looked up at him, two being frozen in the fabric of time, ethereal and strong, bathed in the soft light of the moon.

She raised gracefully to her feet, and as the shadow of the dark forest swallowed him, she followed.

...

I hope you enjoyed. If so (or not...), please take the time to review. It might be a very loooong time before I update again, please understand that giving birth to my little girl will take precedence to writing (and my due date is Friday so...). I hope you'll forgive my usuall tardiness. I hope my muse wakes up one day lol, for the moment it's not being very cooperative...

Dewa mata


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